“Forgive them Father for they know not what they do… Beware the false motives of others.
Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers. And you never suppose it’s those who are closest to you… Let’s free the people from deception. If you looking for the answers then you gotta ask the questions.” Lauryn Hill, “Forgive Them Father”, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. 1998.

BALANCE. HARMONY. RECIPROCITY. “A” is for ACCOUNTABILITY. The verse above could very well be changed to “Forgive US Father for we know not what we do.” We are humans, and because we are human we are weak sometimes when we should be strong.  Thank God for being an awesome God because He forgives us while also holding us accountable for what happens in our life. It’s called the gift of free-will. This is a bit of wisdom often shared with me in a variety of ways. From my parents, from my mentors, from God’s word, and from my experiences in life I’ve been hit over the head repeatedly with the life lesson that I have some responsibility for what happens to me – good or bad. So yesterday as we were preparing today’s DDR I shared some apprehensions with Zaneta, my assistant, about our coverage of Ms. Lauryn Hill.  She’s been in the news a lot lately. Stories tell of her comeback as a music artist. A comeback that’s been decorated with a series of disappointments. This was one of our reasons for dedicating a month to her in the 30 Days of series.  We wanted to celebrate her contributions and comeback.  Our celebration has not been without criticism.  And with the recent development that she is pregnant with a sixth child by a man who is not Rohan Marley, the father of her other five children, has brought on more conversations about HOW Lauryn has returned to the scene.  See below for today’s DDR and the back and forth Z and I had about Lauryn Hill and ourselves when it comes to why the details don’t really matter when it comes to taking responsibility for our actions in life.

Dr. Joyce: I’m at my mom’s. What’s up? I’m feeling kind of weird because of what’s going on with Lauryn Hill?

Zaneta: Why are you feeling weird?

DJ: Because she is totally opposite now.

Z: Opposite of how she used to be? Or is that how the media is portraying her?

DJ: Lauryn is portraying this herself. It’s not the media per se. She’s the one showing up late, acting crazy on stage, 5 children and now another and Rohan going on Twitter damn near disowning her. What father goes on Twitter to out the mother of his five children if something isn’t right?

Z: People go through things and change. They don’t always stay the same. We really don’t know what’s going on with her and we just go in circles trying to assume or figure it out with no information from her besides her behavior at concerts, which ranges from city to city for some reason. She was just in Chicago, showed up on time, and people I know who went said it was a dope show. In contrast to her one last year where she disappointed people. She’s human.

DJ: I’m not assuming anything. I understand people change. I’m just trying to figure out how to make the most of the DDR.

Z: You do good making the most of the DDR. You just can’t get caught up in the gossip and not knowing. We don’t know a lot about her so we just can’t analyze a lot but maybe use what she says to analyze other things or ourselves.

DJ: You are right about that Z! People are quick to judge. And at the end of the day the ebb and flow of being human has peaks and valleys. She’s most definitely a public example of what we all experience. On the other hand being human can’t be a reason for making the SAME choices over and over expecting different results. That’s the definition of insanity. Perhaps this is a reason why her fans are so critically loyal. She has 5 children by a man who’s been linked to another woman in holy matrimony, he’s never married her, and now child #6 is supposedly by another man?

Z: I don’t want to get into her baby daddy drama. Relationships are complicated and I don’t know her, him, or the married woman and I’d prefer to shy away from that conversation.

DJ: Ok. My point is being misunderstood. Perhaps because we are over text. You don’t have to know her or any of the others. The point is that we have all tried to get different results doing the same thing therefore creating drama in our life.

Z: I get that. My point is you don’t know if that is what she was trying to do…get different results because we really don’t know anything about the situation.

DJ: And because she’s a public figure who expressed her convictions so clearly and she seems to now live in a way that’s totally opposite…Z she has 5 children by a man that was married when she had the first couple.  He said on Twitter that he is not married and that the 6th kid is not his.  Huh? I don’t need to know the details of the situation.

Z: She sang and rapped it but that does not mean she believed it and chose to live that way.

DJ: Change is hard. I totally get that. But there’s some responsibility she must take. And I think she does take it.

Z: People say a lot of things and they’re actions don’t always match up. They may want to change, but haven’t taken the steps to.

DJ: Exactly. Now you get it.

Z:: I told you I go it…I completely understand. I just don’t think we should delve into certain details. But that’s my point of view.

DJ: Not delving into details. We are discussing the facts of a situation, and asking critical questions about the human experience of a woman. A Black woman.

Z: I don’t think they are the facts because we aren’t asking the questions to the people involved and getting clear answers. The fact that she has kids by a man who doesn’t necessarily claim her and is supposedly married, yes. But the why’s and how’s is what we don’t have the answers to.

DJ: Lauryn herself announced she was pregnant again and that “I just keep having these babies.” Google it. The clip is online. Rohan announced on Twitter that he is not married nor is he the father of this child. These are not third party comments.

Z: I understand that. I’ve been following the story. I just think with the media everything is being taken out of context. A context that belongs to them and only they can explain or justify from their terms.

DJ: Why she’s pregnant and how she got pregnant is simple. Unless she was raped she willingly laid down, spread her legs, and engaged in the act of procreation. She CHOSE this. No one put a gun to her head. No one puts guns to any of our heads. We sometimes willingly decide to do things we know we shouldn’t be doing. Myself included. How is the media blowing this out of context? It’s just an example of how we all find ourselves in situations asking questions like “Damn how did I get into this?”  The answer is usually very simple.  It typically starts with the man/woman in the mirror.

Z: I just think you are analyzing it from your perspective and your beliefs on life and the way life should go. Not hers. We don’t know what religion she is or what cultural values she holds that will help her explain and be content with her decisions.

DJ: We ALL analyze from a certain perspective Z. Even you. You’re doing it right now.

Z: Absolutely!

DJ: Content with her decisions? I wouldn’t go that far to say she’s content. Her behaviors show differently.

The DDR: Life’s hard enough.  And we make it harder sometimes because of the choices we make.  God’s greatest gift is the gift of free will.  Some of life’s situations we don’t have to experience as a means for gaining wisdom.  Sometimes all it takes is common sensical intuition to know what to do and what not to do.