“Let me be patient let me be kind. Make me unselfish without being blind. Though I may suffer I’ll envy it not. And endure what comes. Cause he’s all that I got and tell him… Tell him I need him. Tell him I love him. And it’ll be alright.” Lauryn Hill, “Tell Him,” Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (1998)

TRUTH. Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending the bridal shower of my good friend Erica soon-to-be Richardson, owner of the natural hair salon “Oh my nappy hair!” Erica  and I met back in 2000 just before I moved from LA back to Atlanta. She took care of my natural hair, then later moved to Atlanta to open a location down on Mitchell Street. We’ve been friends since. Her fiancé and I met during a delegation trip to Arusha, Tanzania and Zanzibar. I learned they were a couple a year later when my former fiance and I ran into them at the NBAF Fine Art + Fashion.  I knew they would work because I know Erica’s heart.  And I could tell there was a stability to Mark when I met him, his mother, and his father in Arusha. He and Erica complement each other so well, and I’m so happy for them. They like each other, and liking the person your gonna marry is key in sustaining relationships. So yesterday six of her closest friends – plus her soon-to-be mother-in-law – gathered for tea time at Dr. Bombay’s Tea House.  (Sidenote: Her future mother-in-law was there kicking it like she was one of the girls. Ms. Jay is so cool. A good relationship between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is sooooo key. I will get to this later in the week perhaps.)  Our evening was filled with a variety of chilled teas, delicious sandwiches and pastries, and just good ol’ fun fellowship time with a group of sisters celebrating BLACK LOVE.  We played a series of games. One in particular was an activity where each of us provided Erica with some words of wisdom on these heart-shaped cards made out of red construction paper. Erica later read them out loud. Ms. Jay, the matriarch at the table wrote “More often than not, the woman is always right.” Me, someone who was a hair away from walking down the aisle, wrote ” (1) SPACE is a good thing, (2) There’s nothing wrong with taking a timeout, and (3) Remember that you are the prize in the cracker jack box.” However, the most significant piece of wisdom came from a former teacher, wife, and mother of three soon to be four.

I offer it as today’s DDR.

The DDR: “Unconditional love is a choice.”  That’s all she wrote. In other words, unconditional love is not an obligation and it is not necessarily an emotion. Matters of the heart can become murky, and when they do it is much easier to just bounce and leave. For those of you who are married, about to get married, just got married, having marital problems, feel like your relationship is in a rut, even those of you who feel like the spark is gone and you’re considering divorce REMEMBER love is kind, love is patient. Love always protects, trusts, hopes, and never fails. What type of lover are you?